M: This guy is #badass! And not tough on the eyes. You may remember him from Wanted (or not - I think that flick was underrated). But he is tough as nails (and in secret contact with an unknown entity) in The River on ABC.
Here he’s getting ready to kick some ass, simply by flexing. You don’t want him to use that gun - he’s Chuck Norris-level tough. Read his bio - he escaped from East Germany with only his wits and his fists (OK - it didn’t say that - I’m taking some liberties):
And props to The River - I’m enjoying it, even with its Blair Witch-style camera work. It could be a LITTLE less dark - sometimes Grandma M can’t see what’s going on. I am thoroughly in the dark on a couple of things — I know that frustrates some viewers; I don’t mind. We’ll see. Please don’t go into Fringe-land.
I wonder if he knows this photo is out there. I know Maui & Chachi saw it & said meooooowwww.
Asking either kitty what they think of AI. I'm watching now, and it's pretty awful.
T: I can’t take it anymore. It all seems so forced. And yes, I agree with you, awful. I held in there for many, many years but the show has simply gotten old. Time and place for everything. Idol’s place is well behind it.
Thanks so much for your question!
M: Crap! I forgot to watch to see how Jen Hirsch, who is lovely, did! I have it on my DVR.. But i have thought the show sucked for years. Specifically, the singing. I cant believe that in our entire country, this is the best they can find!
M: I’m so excited for the full ABC Wednesday night line-up to be back (from 8:30PM on - tried the The Middle - so not for me)
If it’s Wednesday and everything is new, you know where to go. ABC has the most solid line up of all (and I’m talking of all nights, every network). Start your night off with the under-rated The Middle. Last week, with the focus on the three kids, was hysterical without being over the top. The awesome Suburgatory is up next. I can’t get over the quality of this show. You WILL laugh if you check this show out. I can’t say enough about Cheryl Hines’s transformation from her Curb Your Enthusiasm (please go back there, too) days. Modern Family is up next. It’s Cam’s birthday…so expect histrionics. I go back and forth on Cam/Eric Stonestreet. I usually find him funny, then I see Eric at the awards shows and after parties and he puts a bad taste in my mouth. Next is Happy Endings. It’s such a silly little show. But the cast really puts their all into every episode. M and I have gone back and forth about me calling it FOX’s New Girl. I stand by it. But I suppose it’s fairer to say New Girl is Happy Endings. Enjoy them both!
(M: That’s right…. although, if I had to give one up, it would be New Girl)
Finally, we get the most fabulous Revenge! Emily Van Camp and Madeleine Stowe are back with the best F-you looks in the business. I’m still bummed Tyler died, but I’ll forgive and be there every week. As should you. 8p-11p.
(Better than New Girl)
I’m having a harder and harder time reco’ing Whitney and Are You There, Chelsea? on NBC. They’re both not long for this world. And last week I had high hopes they could keep up the creative momentum they had. Whitney crashed and burned. Chelsea I hold a little hope for (Dee Dee IS the personification of a friend of R and me). (Little) time will tell their fates. 8p-9p.
M: You should have a hard time - these shows are awful!
Survivor is on CBS. I’m having to watch online because of the comedies (that won’t be the case much longer). The show just never loses steam. After all these years, it’s still interesting. It’s no Amazing Race, I know, but it still is a good way to burn off an hour. 8p.
MTV gives us the gift of The Challenge: Battle of the Ex’s. Best challenge in so many years. They are always guilty fun for those of us who have continued to watch. This one is special. It’s completely wrong. But so completely right. 7p satellite, 10p cable.
(M: Bored from day one - why don’t we have Jersey Shore cast face off against Teen Moms or some Housewives & then we can talk)
T: Netflix seems to be run by the most idiotic CEO ever. Now, I understand he doesn’t have control over what Starz does. But yes, he sort of does. Negotiation is key here. And this fucking tool seems like the worst negotiator in the history of business.
Here’s the deal. Starz delivered content to Netflix for more than 5 years. Though the last contract was for 5 years. Starz has A LOT of content. Netflix is going to look pretty barren without it. And I’m here to tell you, it didn’t have to happen. This was negotiation gone terribly, terribly wrong. And I place the bulk of the blame on our little Netflix friend. Not to say that Starz’s asshole CEO isn’t to blame…wanting to impose a 90 day waiting period for Starz’s original shows this past summer.
It’s just a shame for us, the consumers. We deserve better and we’re constantly getting less.
M: Just another nail in the coffin. Have you seen the studio dealpoints? I mean, the most current and quality movie on there is True Grit (and Dale & Tucker vs. Evil - if you haven’t seen it - Netflix stream it now!).
So, Smash Compensated by Throwing a Jonas Brother at the Old & Tired Problem?
M: The episode wasn’t that bad otherwise (for once, I enjoyed the behind the scenes drama), but come on! Isn’t it too soon for a Jonas brother?
(T: It’s way too late for a Jonas brother. For both Smash and any Jonas brother.)
Also, a quiz for you Broadway and stage producers out there: lead lady sleeping with director RIGHT BEFORE she got the part. How realistic is this? I know movies and shows are rife with this cliche, but is it common?
T: Tuesday is super busy. And super fun. Let’s get to it.
ABC has the perplexing Cougar Town. I don’t know if I get this show. I don’t know if this show gets itself. Yet I watch. It’s a fantastic cast. I think the problem comes down to creator Bill Lawrence. He also created Scrubs, which was always an acquired taste. I would say this. Not every scene needs to include wine. And believe me, I am not against wine. It just seems like a cheap prop. Ratings are horrific, it’s not long for the world. But I still reco. Because there is just something about it. 8:30p.
M: I think the “#wine in every scene” of it gives it a gritty sense of reality.
The only night The CW gets a reco is tonight. And baby, it’s Ringer! SUCH a fun show. I still can’t get over how confused I get with the twins. Which is which?! But here’s a helpful hint. Bridgette almost always has her hair down. Siobhan almost always has her hair up. Hmmm. Wonder if they’ll mess with us having said that. This is your only reason to tune into The CW. 9p.
M: Seriously, could you assume your sister’s life & just start sleeping w/her husband without him knowing? How bad WAS this marriage? (And yeah, I watch it)
NBC gives us the season finale of Parenthood. This is the cream of the crop, folks. There is no show that is more heartfelt on TV. This cast, their writers…they just bring it to the table every single week. What’s got this critic’s ire is that NBC only ordered 18 eps this year. Which means this really is the end of the road this season. And which scares me…we don’t need to not have this show. Hopefully NBC will agree. Watch this. It will warm your heart. I still can’t get over last week. Jasmine has loved Crosby forever. OMG!!!! Tears! And joy! Just a truly wonderful show. And I can’t live in a world where a Nicole Richie/Jessica Simpson reality show does better than Parenthood. 10p.
Tosh.0 is back on Comedy Central. I know some don’t love him. But I do. He is consistently hilarious even when the videos aren’t quite as funny. He can make them funny. 7p satellite, 10p cable.
ABC Family brings us the awesome Switched at Birth. I promise you, you don’t have to be 13 to love this show. You don’t have to be a chick. You don’t have to be gay. You just have to love TV. These showrunners are making an incredible show. The heart in this show is incredible. And I, for one, and think I’m not alone, have such a greater understanding of deafness. I definitely don’t require a TV show to teach. But when they do, it makes a difference. Give it a shot. 5p satellite, 8p cable.
M: I watched this for 5 minutes, and you know what? I remembered why I don’t watch shows crafted for people under 30. Unbearable.
Southland is back on TNT tonight. R and I travel the roads they film on constantly. It’s fun to see them all caught on TV. But that is the least of my reco for this brilliant show. It’s brutal. It’s real. It’s don’t blink TV. The actors they have rounded up for Southland are all so unbelievably good. If you’re not watching, I really will cut you. 7p satellite, 10p cable.
Check out Mat Kearney on The Jimmy Kimmel Show (which I have been accused of not watching by M). Jimmy is a huge talent that has never failed to make me laugh. And he’s got one of the best male singers on tonight. You won’t be disappointed. I promise. 12am.
After a T Critique, I have to reco Chelsea Lately. The freshest, most fun talk show in history. She keeps the WHAT?!?! alive and I love it. Chelsea Handler is the best. 8p satellite, 11p cable.
T: Just kill this network (but send Ringer to another). They’ve now given “Perez Hilton” two shows. Welcome back to 2009. Horrid.
M: On the scripted side, they are going to pilot with The Carrie Diaries from Candace Bushnell, and have cast Anna Sophia Robb. I thought that was intriguing (not for me, but for their viewers). I also still have no idea how they make money…
Also, can we talk just for a second about how SMG on Ringer just stepped into her sister’s life & started sleeping w/her husband? (I assume they have sex now that she’s not a total bitch?)
M: Viola Davis looked lovely, but was not, IMO, the best-dressed (Joan chose Viola, overruling the other 3 judges). I found that her eye make-up drowned out her eyebrows & hair, so she didn’t take my breath away.
And I’m sorry, but Gwyneth Paltrow cannot win (3 of the 4 judges chose her) — she is just TOO ANNOYING & SMUG. And I don’t think Contagion qualifies her for Oscar Best Dressed Consideration, even if I did enjoy watching her die painfully.
In terms of people who were actually nominated, my Best Dressed was Jessica Chastain. It was unique, it was flawless, and she was gorgeous:
Michelle Williams was a close runner-up, but I’m sick of her pixie hair.
(T: Is it fair to say I care so little about the Awards this year that I don’t even have a favorite? If pressed, I would be forced to say Octavia. That could have been more about her glow.)
T: Simply put, the best late night talk show on TV.
M: You say this, but have you watched any of the other ones? Kimmel? Daily Show? Colbert? I am not a religious LN viewer - usually watching my 8 or 9PM shows or reading a book, but when I do occasionally check in, I find Kimmel and Daily Show (yes, the only other 2 I’ve seen) better than Chelsea. Sorry…
(T: I LOVE Kimmel. Daily Show and Colbert are top notch. But in my book, nobody gets more real than Chelsea.)
Chelsea Handler is certainly a divisive person. I would never expect my mother to like her (and I would hope I would not like anyone my mother likes), but she’s simply the best host on TV.
To wit, she will go anywhere on any question. Every host in Late Night pre-interviews. (She may too, but she doesn’t give a shit.). And in those other hosts’ interviews, everything seems rehearsed. Nothing on Chelsea Lately seems rehearsed. And that, dear readers, is an absolute complement.
You start out with the panel. Let’s get something out of the way right here. Chelsea has done more for stand up comics than anyone ever has. The talent she has on isn’t always perfect, but the eventually get there. Trust me, we’ve seen her comedy tours and are now fans of people we’ve never heard of before the show. She has this uncanny ability to pluck out people who are hilarious and just blend in with her humor.
I have never not laughed at an episode of Chelsea Lately. Never. And believe me, we don’t miss one. But I think what makes me most like this show is Chelsea, obviously. But Chelsea giving all these employees jobs is very admirable. She doesn’t routinely promote this. But this is why she keeps this show going. She takes them on vacation constantly. On her dime. Say what you will about her. But at the end of the day, Chelsea Handler is rock fucking solid in my book.
T: This was the worst Oscar show I have ever seen. This Academy is so rooted in the past it makes me ill. I’m going to reco a few changes. I think these will help, but nothing is certain with this aging group of people.
—No more Billy Crystal EVER. M may disagree. But he was horrific. We’re making Sammy Davis Jr. jokes on the 2012 Oscars? Are you fucking kidding me? The hosts need to reflect where we are now. Not where we were. That is one huge leap in keeping this (beaten by the Grammys in the ratings) awards show relevant. It is extremely on the verge of not mattering at all.
—M: I don’t disagree. You’re right — he is past his prime, and his surgery or injections or whatever seem to hamper his speech. Couldn’t understand him.
—Cut this show down in time. I’m thinking two hours. Cut almost all the technical awards. I know, that SUCKS. But the audience you want is definitely not tuning in for Best Film Editing. Two hours is going to give more people the attraction to tune in knowing that they will be getting the major awards only (I am so offending right now…all Oscars are major. Just trying to get people to tune in!). The Tony’s do two shows. One much more technical. Why not the Oscars?
—M: First, let’s lose some of the bullshit retrospectives (not the In Memoriam, but say, the “what I love about movies” bits) & skits. 1 sketch max. I hate to say it, but yes, maybe the less popular awards could be done separately, but still show the highlights (sorry nominees who don’t win).
—Have Jennifer Lopez’s nipples on display every year. According to TiVo, this was BY FAR the most watched/replayed moment of the show. She looked damn good. She is never a bad thing for the Oscars. I, personally, can’t stand she’s a judge on some stupid reality show and is there at the Oscars. But, she moves the ratings. Well, maybe her nips do.
—Never, ever again do what you did (Brian Grazer) with the best song nominees. Who would think we would miss the era of best song presentations with the singers. I do.
This was such a horrible show. You can do better. We deserve better. Grazer, stay far, far away forever. Please.
All in all, my review could read: Oscars? Boring as fuck.
Grade: (this contradicts our Live Blogging) D-
(M: Wow - I never thought we’d get less than an A- from T. Nice work, buddy!)
ps—Justin Bieber at the Oscars in any way? Kill me.
While the stars lit up the stage at the 84th Academy Awards, viewers set the social web aflame, posting just short of 2 million messages on Twitter. This infographic shows which users and celebrities sparked the most activity. A tweet criticizing the absence of the final Harry Potter movie in …
M: The good news: moviegoing was up for the 8th straight week this year, with BO +24% vs. same week in 2011. (BO = Box Office - stop snickering) Interesting, because individual BO performances weren’t huge #s. Maybe it’s another example of entertainment fragmentation. There are some wide open weeks coming up — not sure why the studios crammed so many openings into February.
The bad news: my boy Paul Rudd didn’t have a strong showing. Only $6.6MM - ouch! I admit, I didn’t go. It didn’t smell good, although I was rooting for it. Maybe it will be a pleasant surprise the way Couples Retreat was (I don’t own it, but I usually watch it on cable) (T: Please tell me this sentence was a dream/nightmare…I don’t want to live in a world where M likes Couples Retreat.). Wanderlust’s Cinemascore was a B- (which is not great — Cinemascores are usually pretty generous).
Congratulations to #1 Act of Valor, with $24.7MM. Not necessarily my type of movie, but it’s nice to see a unique proposition - real Navy Seals, and not a remake. Cinemascore of A.
Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds did $16MM, and of course, got an A. Has any Tyler Perry film NOT gotten an A? This is a very loyal fan club!
M: T gives you most of the highlights (or lowlights in the case of 2 Broke Girls) below, but there are some other don’t-misses tonight.
T: She’s crazy off about 2 Broke Girls. Crazy off! Maybe it’s the supposed rain on her brain.
E!’s (that punctuation looks so weird) Fashion Police has their special Academy Awards wrap-up edition at 7PM PST. I’m very curious to see who will Best Dressed - quite a few amazing contenders this year. My faves were Michelle Williams, Jessica Chastain, Milla Jovovich, and Rose Byrne. If Rooney Mara takes it, I quit. Her dress didn’t fit her too-thin frame! Best dressed is not a measure of whether your porcelain skin with red lipstick and rad haircut look great in white. The dress WAS very cool - she should have taken the time to get it tailored. I hate/love the hosts of this show - nice work, guys!
T: I’m going with Cam Diaz. I just really thought she looked pretty.
Because he isn’t actually watching it, I’m not sure T’s reco of Alcatraz resonates. I DO watch & it’s fascinating. This is the JJ Abrams we love - the story is mysterious, yet moves forward every week (so you’re not “Lost” in a JJ Abrams k-hole).
And The Voice is back on NBC tonight. Tonight is the last of the blind auditions, so the judges have to fill their teams. Now I’m going to watch it, because I love the fact that the competition actually is based on voice talent (pay attention, American Idol - remember the days of Kelly Clarkson?) instead of marketability, but I’m also going to complain about a few things:
1. Christina Aguilera. You know how we learned that Jennifer Lopez was surprisingly sweet, insightful and likeable on Idol? That’s not happening with Christina. Every week, I hate her more; and I’m pretty sure her co-judges do too. And for the love of god, will somebody put her in a dress that fits?? I feel worse for her breasts than I do for rejected contestants.
(T: Just can’t watch it. I know I’m in the minority. I’m completely over talent shows for at least 5 years.)
2. Carson Daly. Carson, when did you become a big fake pussy? He panders to the contestants’ families & friends while they watch the audition together. Even if the contestant sucks, and no judges turn around, he stomps his foot & raises his hands in the air and says, “I don’t know how they didn’t pick him.” Um, you know, Carson - you know. Grow some balls back & express your opinion - don’t be a Seacrest!
Oh Smash - what to do. I meant to delete you from my series recordings last week. Since you don’t conflict with anything, I’ll give you one more chance. But only because of Anjelica Huston (yep - that’s how that’s spelled). You had better deliver.
T: Enjoy new episodes tonight. With sweeps almost over we’re in for a little dry spell.
CBS has the ON FIRE How I Met Your Mother. And don’t just take that from me. It’s been on some series rating highs this season. I’ve seen some critics complain it’s become to soapy. I think it just has come into its own. 2 Broke Girls is next. I LOVE this show. M often comments on the two actresses. I think their (really, I think we’re just talking about Kat Denning here) line delivery is very purposeful and I still contend they have great chemistry.
M: Yes, I do. I think their delivery is forced. This isn’t vaudeville - comedy has evolved.
Whitney Cummings co-created this show. This is what her own Whitney should be. But I think it’s clear why she should be behind the scenes now. Skip the 9p hour and pick it back up with Hawaii-5-0. I keep debating whether to write “5” out our not. I guess they technically do in the title. At any rate, this show isn’t winning any awards. But it’s one of the most fun shows to watch on TV. And with Alex O’laughlin and Scott Caan, and let’s not forget the awesome Lost alum Daniel Dae Kim…how can you really go wrong? 8p-9p. 10p-11p.
You’ve got Alcatraz on FOX. Still have to catch up, but still intrigued. Let’s turn this into a travel blog. If you haven’t been to Alcatraz Island…you’re missing out. Such a fascinating place to visit. You sort of feel the souls of the prisoners past…yet you also feel this sense of peacefulness. It’s one of the most interesting places I’ve ever traveled to in my life. They have a night tour—that’s up next. And I fully expect to be creeped out. 9p.
Over at OWN, that shit of a network, we get our gem back with The Rosie Show returning today. I don’t think it’s long for the world so I suggest you check it out. It’s gone through a few different formats since its debut, what they have settled on (for the end?), with Rosie one on one with a guest and no audience is absolutely fascinating. This really is worth your while. 4p satellite, 7p cable.
M: I can’t believe somebody actually tuned their dial to OWN intentionally.
And can I reco Days of our Lives? The coming out story with Will is absolutely amazing. The writing for this story is so spot on. And Chandler Massey and, especially, Deidre Hall have been nothing short of spectacular. I know, say what you will about soaps. These guys are killing it and it’s such an important story. 1p.
M&T Live with the Oscars - Most Boring Telecast I've Seen in My 40 Years
T:M knows exactly what she's talking about! Tru dat, grrrrl! (Did I really just do that?) I'm giving the show a C-.
M:It's unanimous - C-. I didn't know you gave scores lower than an A - glad to see that.
M:It's fun to listen to the audience as they run through the Best Picture nominees. Notice the light clapping during movies that really don't deserve the Best Pic (you know who you are). So, you know The Artist won. Eh - it was a good movie. It's gimmick (I'm sorry - gimmick) was attention-grabbing. The story & the actors overcame the gimmick to win me over & enjoy the movie greatly. But it didn't feel like a Best Pic for me. I would have liked to see The Help or The Descendants take it. I'm glad nobody called Harvey Weinstein God in this show; if anything, he is the King of the Underworld.
T:Bored to tears.
M:I really wanted to see Viola Davis win this. It was a great field, though - really tough choice. I love that Colin threw in "Mamma Mia." Just to keep her humble... God, he's hot! I agree - Meryl's pretty fab. Would love to hear a Brit's take on her accent in the movie. And I thought her acceptance speech was a tad arrogant. "Oh god! her again?" "Who knows if I'll be up here again?" (Knowing laugh) Left a bad taste in my mouth.
T:You can't not like Meryl's win. She's mesmerizing.
M:George? Let's talk for a minute about this being Gary Oldman's first nomination. Gary Oldman has never been nominated, leave alone won??? That said, I've seen both The Artist & The Descendants - I wanted George to win too. (Although Jean IS quite charming & I hope to see more of him - agree this was not the film)
M:Wow - this music DOES suck
T:The biggest disappointment now, of the night, is George Clooney not getting what was justly his. I really thought The Academy would have pulled this one out. Nothing against Jean Dujardin. He seems like a perfectly nice guy. This was George's year. Can the music just stop, also? What is this person singing us to break? Not happy. Over this show.
M:Speaking of ads & promos. a) When will we get to see Ed Norton next? b) Oh - Missing, starring the hot Judd sister. I only barely liked this when it was a movie called Taken, starring Liam Neeson. Actually, given the hot WOM on that, I felt ripped off. No thank you, Missing.
T:What is it on Billy's head? It's supposed to look like hair I think...
M:RIP to a group of amazing people in the In Memoriam segment. Special sentiments for Elizabeth Taylor and Laura Ziskin. Liz, you were beautiful, an amazing actress, and a tireless humanitarian. Laura, you produced so many movies that the world loved, and you used your power for good. You will both be missed.
T:WORD on Oprah. I think this In Memoriam piece is extremely classy. And I think what Billy said about Gil Cates was very lovely.
M:re: Governors Awards. James Earl Jones is fabulous - you are so intimidating & awesome - congrats!. Apparently, Dick Smith is the guy who did the Exorcist make-up. Well then, bravo to you, sir! But I am SO SICK OF OPRAH. Seriously. So sick. Her totally rehearsed, "oh golly - me?" acceptance speech? Enough. It's not Oprah's fault I grumble every time I see her. It's those sheep who follow her blindly. You know? The ones who never read a book until Oprah (cue celestial choir) told them to? I am so over her. And clearly, everyone is over her network.
T:Meryl Streep, for the first time in her life, looks pretty damn good!!!
T:This is the beginning of the end. Damn you, The Artist.
M:I'm disappointed in The Artist's Michel Hazanavicius winning Best Director. I did enjoy the movie (still not a Best Pic for me), but I would have liked Alexander Payne or Martin Scorcese to take it. Boo!
M:The Documentary Short "Saving Face" acceptance speech from Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy joins Christopher Plummer's as one of the most eloquent and touching in this show.
T:I can't stand how much I love these Bridesmaids. That is not something you'll ever hear escape my lips again.
M:You have the happiest T&M right now. I am thrilled that Midnight in Paris won Original Screenplay. The concept & the script were the most crucial elements to what made this film work. So deserved, although I wish Woody attended the awards, because I'd love to hear his speech. I know he typically doesn't, and I get it, but I'd love to hear what he has to say.
T:If nothing else, I am SO INCREDIBLY thrilled about The Descendants winning adapted screenplay. I hope we see a little more of The Descendants tonight. And props to Jim Rash for his acceptance Angelina Jolie stance. Amazing. Congrats, Alexander Payne!!!!! I am SO HAPPY!
M:LOVE this Jim Rash!
M:Let me preface this by saying that I love Angelina Jolie & would pay large sums of money to look just like her. That said, did she really just thrust her left hip out, put her hand on it, and say (seductively), "Good evening...."?
T:Amen as well, M. One nice thing about this Live Blogging is the fact I'm forced to watch the advertising, yes, the very thing that ensures my well being, I know. Will Arnett's Hulu commercial is AWESOME.
M:Thank God Will Ferrell and Zach Galifanakis are here to save us? Please, Muppets! YES! Am I a Man or Am I a Muppet! Jason Segel! JIm Parsons! Brett McKenzie! Flight of the Conchords!
T:Ugh. Please don't let this be a Hugo/The Artist sweep. I will cut myself.
T:This set is horrible. And seriously, M. Nick Nolte?! What what that?!
M:Oh, Christ! Because this show needed some pizazz, here comes the President of the Academy. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
M:Did Nick Nolte turn into Santa Claus overnight?
T:That Revenge commercial was fucking amazing.
T:This band in the wings experiment is stupid.
T:So happy for Christopher Plummer. What a class act. Just a little classier than J-Lo's nips. Ok, A lot classier.
M:First & foremost, I can't believe I missed Jennifer Lopez' nip slip. Perhaps I was just stunned by her beauty, but I was probably typing something inane. That said, Best Supporting Actor - nice job, Christopher Plummer! I can't wait to actually see this movie. (Yes, I'm a bad person, but he's a fab actor - I'm sure he's great) Tell me YOU'VE seen all the nominees' films!
T:Melissa McCarthy had some damn pretty shoes. I want to destroy Emma Stone's dress. But I do love her. And Ben Stiller is 3'9'' M.
M:Seriously, how short IS Ben Stiller?
M:Thanks, Melissa McCarthy, for some much-needed comedy from the current decade.
M:Hmmm - I was really pulling for Puss in Boots for Best Animated, but I haven't seen Rango. Should I? Perhaps I'll like it.
T:Ladies and gentleman, Chris Rock's hair.
M:Thank f'ing god for Chris Rock. But dude, get your hair done for the Oscars. Chris Rock is so funny, he makes my face hurt.
T:I want Robert Downey, Jr's bow tie. M can have him. And yes, stupid and boring.
M:Robert Downey, Jr. please take me away. Please. Oh - you & Gwyneth are going to be boring too? Got it.
T:Oh, and don't think I'm not getting shit from my co-watchers on this.
T:Listen. I'm not going to deny their talent, but why is Cirque on the Oscars?
T:Cirque du kill me. Loved the guys from Dragon Tattoo for Film Editing. Tina Fey looks amazing from the head to the waist. Wish I could cut her off there.
M:Totally on the Cirque thing.
M:Oh COME ON! A Cirque du Soleil performance? You're killin' me! (Let me caveat that I have enjoyed many live Cirque performances, but this Academy Awards is dragging out every awards show cliche in the book.)
M:Dear cute single guys who do sound work. Can you please explain to me the difference between sound editing and sound mixing?
M:What up with the mustache, Bradley? I thought I told you NEVER to cover that pretty face!
M:I LOVE Christopher Guest and crew, but even that sketch was painful.
T:It's when M says things like Harry Potter has been robbed that makes me proud to have her as my friend and partner. So true. And Octavia? How nice is it to see someone so grateful for an award. And I love that the audience stood up for her. Class act.
M:Yes! Octavia Spencer! Yay for The Help. I bet she makes a fab speech.
M:Will Christian Bale take that jab ("be careful: you're in his eyeline") like a man?
M:Listen, I love experiencing a great movie on the big screen (I also like experiencing it at home, with wine & food, and bathroom breaks whenever I want), but was that "magic of cinema" montage commissioned by NATO (no - not the real NATO - the exhibitor trade organization)?
M:Hearing the technical awards reminds me of how much the Harry Potter series has been robbed. These are GREAT movies!
M:Even the graphics package says that tonight belongs to The Artist (and certainly doesn't add to the freshness of this year's Oscars). I think I agree with Nikki Finke that this may be the most boring Oscars ever.
T:Holy fuck. Cameron Diaz and J-Lo look unbelievable.
M:Won't The Artist get enough tonight that Best Costume could have gone elsewhere? Anonymous?
M:Haven't I seen this montage before (a thousand times)?
M:Dear ABC, don't play over Pharrell and, who was that? Sheila E.? when they're drumming!
C (Guest commentator):What is up with the set? It's just horrendous - it reflects in the background behind each presenter.
T:Ohhh. Seat filler jokes. Boy, this show is just on fire. Blech.
T:That woman for Art Direction looks like a cat. Meow.
M:Hee hee - Robert Richardson looks like a total stoner. Congrats, dude.
M:OK - I agree with T that I could have done w/out the musical number
T:So bored with Billy Crystal. But I could still make a turnaround. Can he?
M:Are you kidding? That opener was hilarious! I know he didn't necessarily write it, but I love those well-crafted mash ups, especially with a few winks (e.g., Batman). "You put your doody in there, didn't you?" - ha ha!
T:I cannot believe Justin Bieber was just on the Oscars. Puke.
M:Agree - bleegh!
T:I don't need to see George Clooney kissing Billy Crystal.
M:Loved the Batman reference in the Descendants clip - hee hee!
M: Congratulations? To be honest, say what you want about this guy. Some of the things he does are very funny (more than we acknowledge), he never forgets his friends, and he loves his dog. And I will always love Opera Man.
T: And if anyone dares hate on Billy Madison I’ll Walking Dead you (I can’t keep saying cut you, right?).
Michelle Williams Should Wear Tomato Red All the Time
M: Although I’d like to see an evolution from the pixie cut. We get it: you can pull it off. Bravo. Now try something else. That said, you look ethereally beautiful as always. Maybe I just resent that you can pull of that cut.